It's no secret that I'm a worrier. I spend a lot of time worrying about things....some are important, some are not. Some are legitimate issues (Is my kid's cough just a cold or should we go to the doctor?) and some are stupid things (Maybe I should mop the floor in case someone comes over).
With the new year, I'm really trying to get a handle on things. The last three years have been pretty tough, I'm not going to lie. Being overwhelmingly pregnant with two energy-zapping humans and exhausted with a toddler, then having two infants plus a toddler at home and now, having TWO rowdy two-year-olds with a kindergartner is enough to make this worry-wart mama crazy. And tired. And all this while working full-time outside the home!
I started making a list of the things that "keep me up at night," as they say. Here it is:
1--My dieting/exercising/losing weight---or lack of it. It's hard to believe I used to be a gym rat. Religiously, every day. I was still going to Body Pump classes and lifting weights when I was seven months preggers with Big Sis. I miss it. Since the twins came along, I've started and stopped exercising a hundred times. I've tried walking with and without them, going to Zumba classes and even 5:00 am workout videos in my living room. I just can't make it work. I'm tired and I just don't have time. I don't get enough sleep as it is, and the kids need my attention when I'm home. I got a treadmill a few months ago and it sits in the living room just staring at me. Sometimes I get on it, and sometimes I don't. I try. In fact, the other day I was on it and Boy Twin flipped the power switch to 'OFF' while I was jogging, and I almost broke my neck. It's impossible! For now, I'm going to give myself a break---do what I can, when I can and not beat myself up over it.
2--Feeding my kids healthy food. Every time I read something about food, I worry. Are they eating too much processed food? Is milk going to hurt them? Should I spend more and buy organic? Eat meat, not eat meat? What about preservatives and food dyes? It's very confusing to figure out what's right. I don't want my girls wearing B cups when they are 10 years old, but how can I control their diets enough to avoid it? Finally I just decided that I'm doing the best I can. I'm not giving them sodas and french fries every meal (hardly ever, actually), and we cook for them nearly every night--and not food from a box or fried in grease. They eat some vegetables and quite a bit of fruit. They are very active kids and beg to play outside. They are healthy and rarely get sick. They are going to be fine.
3--Finances. Ugh. Again, will there ever be enough money? Probably not. Freaking out over every penny we spend certainly doesn't help. There will always be the crappy things that happen like the major car repair that popped up right in time for the holidays. Chalk it up to bad luck. I'm just thankful that we have everything we need. We have a great house that's been an unexpected blessing to our growing family and a vehicle that can tote us all at once. We are able to keep plenty of groceries and feed our bunch. Yeah, we have a "wish list" of things we'd like to have. I know the new carpet and bedroom furniture can wait for a while, but sometimes I just want it! I promise for the new year that I'll be happy with what we have instead of always wanting more.
I've basically just decided to LET IT BE. All of it. It is what it is, and it's the best we can do. I want to roll around in the floor and color with my kids. I'm going to keep the clothes washed, but ignore the baskets of clean clothes waiting to be folded. And who really enjoys mopping anyway? Happy New Year everyone!